what makes a birth experience positive? 5 tips to prepare your mind and body for childbirth
I was talking to a friend the other day about our birth experiences and it got me thinking a lot about what makes a birth experience positive. I would like to share my thoughts, so if you feel like you may be triggered or get upset, I suggest not reading. However, if you’re feeling open, I hope this helps you in some way.
Everyone’s experience is different, and I’ve heard and read a lot of birth stories. I’ve found a common thread among all these stories in which a birth “goes well”: surrender. I am not saying that if you surrender, everything will go perfectly. Unfortunately, unplanned things can happen over which we don’t have control, even when we do “all the right things” to prepare (I am NOT referring to these situations in this post), but the persons mindset and preparation before giving birth may impact how they recover, whether their experience was traumatic or not.
Someone can have a birth that is seemingly uneventful, yet they have so much trouble recovering, physically and emotionally. At the same time, someone could have a seemingly traumatic birth during which nothing went as planned, and they recover just fine.
There is something to be said about giving up control and allowing your body to do its thing. And this isn’t a discussion about unmedicated vs medicated birth and whether an epidural leads to a higher c-section rate or not (although studies have shown this to be true). Has anyone ever thought about whether it is the epidural itself that leads to more complications or if perhaps it is the level of fear and lack of knowledge and preparation of the person who gets the epidural?
Those who choose natural birth or a home birth often do a ton of reading and research, take childbirth classes and prepare mentally and physically. It’s knowledge that leads to confidence and the “I can do this” mentality. Oftentimes, women go into birth blinded and full of fear, expecting that the epidural will just take away their pain to help them “survive” the experience. They don’t want to know anything about what will happen to their body. Then if they do feel pain and discomfort, or if something does not go according to plan, it leads to panic. Panic can often halt the natural progression of birth. So, like I said, this isn’t about unmedicated vs epidural. Getting an epidural from an educated, confident place is a much better decision than to to get one out of fear.
I had an overall great birth experience. Everything went seamlessly, I stayed calm most of the time, I hardly tore. You can read my birth story here. At my most recent midwife appointment for my current pregnancy, I was asked if I would do or change anything this time around. My answer: take a nap! I was in early labor for about 20 hours (followed by 10 active), and for most of that time I was trying to move things along. Instead of just resting and letting nature take its course, I felt the need to constantly take walks and move around because I thought it would make the baby come sooner. Well, it didn’t work. I ended up being awake for 2 days straight. I tried so hard to progress my labor that I ended up being totally exhausted when it finally came time to push. I did not totally surrender. In fact, I was trying to control the entire situation, up to the point of exhaustion. It was at this point when I started to feel some fear and began to panic a little. Sometimes I wonder what would have happened if I had just fully surrendered and let my body do its thing from the very beginning.
I’ve been rambling, so I’ll try to sum this up: Simply entering birth with a positive, confident mindset may help during the birth process itself (with regard to both positive outcomes and response to variations) and how you recover afterwards.
Here are 5 tips to help prepare your mind and body before giving birth:
Take a childbirth education class. Knowledge is power. Truly. When you understand exactly what is going on with your body and why, you may react in a completely different way. And if something unplanned were to happen, you would know the right questions to ask and how to deal with a situation, rather than just succumbing to whatever a doctor tells you to do. Your body, your [informed] choice. Birth and Beyond Resources just launched their online childbirth ed class! When taking the class you get assigned a live coach (I’m one of them!). Sign up here.
Positive Affirmations. Not only can the affirmations themselves help you stay positive and mindful during childbirth, the repetition can help you stay focused and in the zone. You can make your own affirmation flags or create a vision board to have in your birth space. If crafts aren’t really your thing, you can also buy them on Etsy.
Create a calm environment. You can even do this in a hospital by bringing comforting items from home to help you stay calm. Play relaxing music, use essential oils (like lavender, clary sage or peppermint) and have crystals close by (my favorite for birth are malachite, moonstone and roses quartz). Only allow people who you are completely comfortable with in your birth space. If someone brings bad energy (even a nurse), kindly ask them to leave. You want to feel as loved, calm and supported as you possibly can.
Hire a doula. Honestly, worth every penny. A doula can help create your birth ideal birth environment, help you with pain relief and comfort measures, keep you knowledgeable and mentally support you AND your partner before, during and after birth. My husband was great during birth, but only because he did exactly what our doula suggested! Birth partners can be great, but they don’t always know what’s best. How would they?
Surrender. There are so many things I can say here and have said throughout this post. When we are trying to control our body and the birth process, we are doing ourselves a disservice in the long run. Here are some main points on surrender:
Your body can do this. Millions of bodies have done this before yours. It’s a natural, normal thing and you are so much stronger than you think you are.
If everything doesn’t go exactly as planned, that’s ok. In my opinion, having a plan with an open mind is a great course of action.
There is a difference between pain and suffering. Pain during birth is ok and perfectly normal. It’s productive and part of the process. Suffering involves overwhelm, panic and feeling out of control. We can experience manageable pain without suffering. I love this video that explains it further.
Movement is so helpful during birth, for both the positioning of the baby through the birth canal and for dealing with pain. Allow your body to move and be in a position that is most comfortable. It will guide you!
Fear and panic cause our bodies to release adrenaline, which works in opposition to oxytocin (aka the love hormone), which controls contractions and helps labor progress. When we let go of fear and surrender to contractions, riding them like a wave, we are better able to handle them and the likelihood of a positive birth experience increases.
Did you have a positive birth experience? What made it that way for you? Did you prepare ahead of time?
Did you have a traumatic birth experience? How were you able to recover?
Let me know in the comments!
